Crawling across the finish line verses flying across the finish line
CREATING PERSPECTIVE
Why does it take a road trip for me to become mindful about increasing my perspective? I know how I am, and I know how the day-to-day routines can form ruts in my life that get deeper and deeper as time goes on. But whatever the reason, it’s where I’ve been at lately so I just need to acknowledge the tendencies I have… figure out a game plan for addressing this problem for sure… but that’s my problem for another time.
So here I am today, in the middle of a vacation that’s taken me through SE Utah, into Arches National Park, through Monument Valley, and into the desert also known as Phoenix. On this particular morning, I had just completed a workout and was out for a walk before the heat showed up and in that happy place where I was alone with my thoughts. I was feeling good, free from the chains that come with the work mindset, feeling more hopeful… for what, I’m not necessarily sure… but still feeling a sense of hopefulness.
As I walked along, a question came into my mind. The question has set there on the peripheral of my thoughts for about three days now and I was fully aware I could give it some attention or eventually forget about it with all the distractions and noise that comes with this life, so this morning I got up and got out to a local park before the 80’s showed up here in the desert. I wanted to think more about the question because it seemed to me that if I really thought this through, there is a significant difference based on the perspective I choose to pursue. Before I continue on, let me get to the question.
THE QUESTION
Here was the question posed to me by the voices in my head:
Am I living to DIE?
Or
Am I dying to LIVE?
As I sat this morning thinking more about the two sides of this coin, I decided to add some bullet points that speak to me about the differences, and more specifically, how it looks live out in my life when I’m operating in one mindset verses the other.
My list is my list… this is a work in progress and as I added things, I’m not sure I’m completely sold on them, but I’m willing to continue considering how they fit.
LIVING TO DIE
- Just getting by…
- Live for the moment verses having a vision for something out ahead of me.
- Not sure what level of inspiration (if any at all) drives us when in this mindset
- Settling in; finding safety and security as I progress toward the end of this life. (I’m almost 65 years old and retirement may be out there on the horizon. It’s not morbid, it’s just reality that the “end” is somewhere out ahead.)
- Living on life-support (metaphorically speaking)
- Crawling across the finish line (see above image)
I hope you don’t get stuck on some that I listed. I have no expectation any of these are shared by others so create your own list..
As I reflect on this mindset, I find myself thinking about ideas but then hitting this creativity-destroying statement of… “You may be too old to be having these thoughts now Gordon.” That thought can be such a downer to any kind of creativity and inspiration. It can silence the inspiration within my heartbeat, telling me to put my head down and just accept where I’m at.
So, let’s turn attention to the other side:
DYING TO LIVE
- Chasing a vision
- Possessing a sense of dread if we give up on pursuing a heartbeat in this life.
- Struggling to accept the compromises that come with pursuing safety and security as a priority… falling into stride with the herd that pursues “common sense” as defined by the culture we live in.
- Living by faith (not putting my beliefs on anyone else, but it’s about trusting my Lord and believing there is truly something to John 10:10 that I can’t even imagine.)
- Seeking meaningful and purposeful adventure.
- Racing toward the finish line and leaning into the tape (when that time does come…)
- Context here: I’m not at all interested in getting to my finish line anytime soon, but I want to run like hell, feel the thrill that comes with competing, and be completely satisfied with the race I did run when that time does come to hit the finish line.
As I look at these bullet points I feel a sense of excitement. I’m not at all interested in being reckless with this life, but I also don’t want to live inside a bubble out of fear for pursuing life in these days.
HOLDING ON TOO TIGHT
After making this list and thinking about it a bit, I packed my things up and decided to walk for a while. I wasn’t ready to put these thoughts on the shelf yet… I wasn’t sure if my heart was done speaking with my brain.
As I walked along on a path with the Arizona desert surrounding me, I had the image of a scared child in a pool. This child had a death grip on the side of the pool and was unwilling to let go. The fear that overwhelmed this child prevented them from experiencing the enjoyment of swimming… of feeling the sensation of putting their heads underwater and gliding through the water until they came up for air… the pool was something to fear verses something to thoroughly enjoy.
My conclusion was this… fear can mask itself as being responsible… practical… reasonable… and it can allow us to remain trapped in a prison of our own making… it can lead us to live this life in such a way that even if we’re not quite willing to admit it, the thought of death can appear in some ways like a relief to the life we are … enduring.
Just some thoughts for me. If you don’t like them… well, don’t like them… it doesn’t matter to me. You have to figure out what you’re going to settle for in this life, and I must figure out what I’m going to settle for.
I wish you the best though… whatever path you believe is best for you.