Insights From an Inmate
I was in the jail a couple Monday’s ago meeting with a new referral from the Court. As I sat in the conference room inside his jail pod, I asked the guy questions and listened to understand more about his story. We came to a point where I asked him if he felt that he needed any help around drug and/or alcohol use. He responded that he doesn’t use drugs but does drink. He quickly followed that up by letting me know he’s not ready to deal with making any changs in his drinking. As I listened to him talk in more detail about drinking, I found myself feeling a sense of respect at how honest he was willing to be around this behavior.
The conversation took me back to so many conversations over the years with people as a probation officer. So often people would tell me what they thought I wanted to hear… but also maybe what they wanted to hear from themselves. They’d talk about the changes they wanted to make and then walk out of my office and take no steps toward making those changes. For many of them, when they would return to my office several weeks or maybe a month later and repeat the conversation, I would challenge them to see that the only person they seem to be lying to is themselves… and I would tend to follow this up by saying, “because I’m not buying it.”
On Vacation
Here I am a couple weeks beyond that conversation in the jail and I’m on vacation down in the Phoenix area. We’re here every Memorial Day weekend visiting our good friends, and my tendency over the years has been to eat like the 345lbs guy I used to be. In years past, I’ve returned home from this vacation time and had some regrets about the weight gain… and more importantly, the work required to reel my behaviors back in and get things back under control.
Is this year going to be different? Time will tell… I refuse to be the guy who walks out of the office talking about what I want to only to return a couple weeks later having done nothing… just lying to myself.
What Are You Willing to Change?
We’ve been down in Phoenix for a few days now. The first night we arrived I got on our friend’s elliptical to work out about 15 minutes. After sitting in the car all day traveling, my goal was simply to get some steps in and try to set a pattern for the week. My hope was to devote 20-30 minutes a day to a workout or get 10K steps if we were out and about.
This morning was our third day here. How tempting it was to remain on the patio as the temperatures rose into the 80’s on the way to 96-degrees. I knew there would come a point where it would be too hot to work out, and every moment I sat on that patio made it less and less likely I was going to do anything different today.
With a burst of motivation, I got up, got dressed for a workout, and ended up completing 35 minutes on the elliptical. I wasn’t don’t though. I went for a walk around the neighborhood and thought about the changes I desire to see from myself.
At some point on the walk, I thought about my conversation with the guy in jail from a couple weeks ago, and the question silently came to me… “what changes are you willing to make right now?” The point of the question wasn’t negative at all… it was all about focusing on what I am willing to do… not focusing on what I’m struggling and falling short in doing.
As I walked along, I pulled my phone out and asked Siri to create a new note for me because I wanted to write on this idea today… and more importantly, I wanted to think about this more.
My conclusion at this moment? There are so many great eating places to go down here… so I’m certainly going to enjoy myself… but I’m also willing to say that I’ll get my 10K steps today… and tomorrow, I’ll make my plan for either walking or getting on the elliptical early.
… that’s the change I’m willing to make today… and that’s the plan I’m willing to embrace for tomorrow. I may lose track some while on vacation this week… but this is the win I’m willing to pursue today.
Don’t Lie to Yourself…
When I think about the conversations I mentioned above from over my years working with people who needed to make change, something I believe to be so important is this, be aware of the times you say things in order to make yourself feel better in the moment… but also, perhaps on a secondary level, to change how you hope others will perceive you in the moment. If you will allow me to make this suggestion, perhaps before you actually say anything, think about what specific change you are willing to follow through on in the moment… there’s plenty of time to think about what you should do… but start by thinking about the change you are willing to make right now… even as you continue to make all those other crappy decisions. Then celebrate hard when you follow through on the small victories because that is how momentum begins.