THE BAD ROOMMATE

Many of us may have past (or present) horror stories around bad roommates… so maybe this story will resonate with you.  I was journaling when it came to me this morning, the first morning of a week of vacation with a goal of spending more time writing.  So, I’ll do a quick post on the blog just to create the writing momentum for the week. 

I’m not going to get caught up in editing and reediting… it’s just a story born in my imagination.  I’m writing it, posting it, and then moving on in pursuit of my writing goals for the week. 

A perspective as I reflect on the bad roommate living upstairs…

THE ROOMMATE

This story is about the bad roommate named “Compromise”.  It’s this… person, this entity, for the sake of the story, that somehow moves into our home rather subtly… honestly, unknowingly, and before we’re aware of what’s happening, displacing us from the master bedroom with the en-suite bathroom and the private deck with a great view, leaving us in the smaller unfinished basement bedroom with the amazing view of the somewhat rusty window well – but still paying the mortgage because it’s our credit on the line if we don’t pay.    

I don’t remember him moving in… honestly!  I knew he came around occasionally, but I don’t remember ever thinking to myself that this person was spending a lot of time here.  There were times it seemed convenient when he came around, kind of took the boredom away… distracted me from the grind, but looking back, I really can’t remember ever noticing him moving his stuff into my house.  I guess I focused on some of the initial benefits… like companionship, and I do remember wishfully thinking that maybe he would help with expenses… you know, help me get ahead a bit… but I guess that never really happened.

This roommate is not here on a lease, has no skin in the game when it comes to giving me a security deposit, and yet, because he can establish residency in my place, he now has “tenant rights” and I can’t simply open the door and tell him to get out.  To have this bad roommate removed I now am required to begin the eviction process. 

Well… that sucks!

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

It’s great now that I am aware of the circumstances, but how did I let this happen?  Understanding the answer to that question is the easy part of this problem I’m in… I simply wasn’t paying attention.  I became numb to the ruts of my day-to-day life; I made choices to distract myself; I allowed the bar to be lowered on what my expectations were… and I lied to myself about the advantages of allowing this person to share space with me. 

I lost sight of what I wanted… I allowed myself permission to embrace values… goals… a lifestyle that I never saw myself wanting in my earlier years… never pictured myself in this spot at all when I took off in pursuit of creating my own life.  I started drinking the Kool-Aid around what success looked like… the salary, the benefits, the house, the neighborhood, the car… and before I knew it, I was stuck.

And who wants to feel stuck right?  So, what were the choices I made to avoid feeling stuck?  Well, looking back I now see that’s when compromise no longer came around to visit, but instead moved in and took up residence.  I did things that allowed me to forget those unpleasant feelings.  They never really went away… but at least I wasn’t bothered with experiencing them for the time being.   But for whatever reason, I am now disgusted with the view I have learned to live with in my life… something ‘s got to change.

TIME FOR ACTION

Here I am today, sitting on the bed in my 10X11 basement bedroom, looking out the window at the rusty window well, listening to that bad roommate dancing around upstairs with not a care in the world, and I’m thinking it’s time to do something… it’s time to begin the eviction process. 

It’s going to take effort, I’m going to need to remain convicted about this decision, I’m going to need to become comfortable with being uncomfortable… I’m going to need to become mindful of the thinking patterns that led to these circumstances, and most of all, I need to become comfortable with living life with no guarantees… Risk is a part of adventure, and I really do believe that risk is a part of truly being alive.

Oh crap! I also need to convince my wife I haven’t lost my mind… and by the way, she is NOT the bad roommate in this story…

I get it. This perspective is not for everyone. The salaries, the benefits, the pensions… they have their value. But I literally exhale a deep breath as I say this… at 64+ years old and walking up the sidewalk toward a door called “retirement”… I’m thinking this just isn’t for me.

CLOSING

I have a good life, I really do.  I have a great job working remotely from home, I’m building a retirement pension in the job… and yet, there are so many times when I feel something that is so hard to describe within me that screams to be set free… and I realize I’ve held the key this entire time.

This isn’t a post from a disgruntled person ungrateful for what he has… I am so appreciative of what I have… but it’s not what I wanted… I’ve always been a dreamer… a road-tripper.  I’ve been the guy who wanted to pursue mountain tops, and when I got there, then look for the next summit.  I’m the guy who wanted to get out on the road in pursuit of the horizon that seemed like it was 100’s of miles away… wondering what was out there.  Then get there and take off after the next horizon. It’s not restlessness… it’s adventure… it’s a lifestyle.

The office has always felt like a 10X10 prison cell… and retirement was like “killing my number”… am I simply having a mid-life crisis?  No… I’ve had this spirit in me since I was in my early 20’s… I’m blaming it all on that damn roommate I let move in years ago. 

But the eviction process is going to begin.