MOVE THE CHAINS

WE’LL START WITH MICHAEL

My last appointment on a Friday afternoon has consistently been Michael.  I’m not quite sure why I like him so much…he’s such a pain in my ass sometimes, but man, I’m really rooting for him to win in this life.

Michael walked in yesterday wearing his usual big smile and we headed down the hall to my office catching up on life.  Michael sat down in a chair as he always does, facing sideways looking at the walls.  I’ve noticed over our first 6 months that he has significant difficulty making eye-contact, but he’s always friendly and willing to talk openly.  Prior to today’s meeting, the wall he always looks at had been bare…not a thing on it.  But in recent weeks I’ve made a commitment to turn that blank wall into my “Change Wall”.  I have added several pictures with messages centered around “change” both for my clients and for me…because we’re all after something in this life, and I need my office to be a place of inspiration.

At some point during the conversation, still facing the wall, he began to read one of the pictures.  It’s the one at the top of this post… “Focus on moving the chains…eventually you’ll be in scoring position.”  He then follows up by saying, “that’s good; I like that.”  I responded by asking what he thinks I mean by that message.  He correctly answered, “Focus on taking steps forward and eventually something good will happen.” 

I asked why he liked it and he explained that the message encourages him because he doesn’t always see the good results immediately, but if he’ll keep making positive decisions, he’ll eventually get somewhere good.

I decided this was a good time to ask about where he’s at with his meth use and he said he wants to quit, but he then looks directly at me and says, “it’s a disease you know” … and then he repeats those words again.

EMPOWERMENT

I’ll be quick to say I’m not a therapist here… I’m a probation officer doing this kind of work for 20+ years; and I’m a coach, previously a basketball coach, and currently, a mentor to a fantastic office filled with some great young probation officers.  That said, I’m not going to get into a debate about the disease-side of addiction… I look at it from the perspective of “it’s an opponent who seeks to defeat you.”  I am encouraging Michael to get into treatment, so he can have access to therapists with great experience in treating people with substance abuse issues. 

However, I also believe I have something to offer from a coaching perspective.  I believe Michael has the strength within him to overcome this adversary of addiction, and I’m not going to allow a guy to play victim and think he’s powerless over his adversary. 

I had to tell Michael the same thing I must tell myself as I face down my adversary of sugar…of carbs…of emotional eating; my adversary of small thinking that what I have to offer is not good enough…  It’s the same thing I have to say to someone out there reading this post battling with an adversary they’ve been defeated by often in their past… whether that be an addiction to alcohol, drugs, pain pills, food, negative thinking patterns, failing to take the steps toward a dream/goal…you fill in the blank. 

WHAT MESSAGE DO WE REINFORCE?

I’m fully aware that some of my posts are similar messages repackaged around different stories, but I’m truly convinced of the power (both negative and positive) of the words we use; that they are birthed out of the thoughts we think and the feelings we feel.  What messages do we constantly reinforce in our lives by the words we say and the thoughts we think?  For Michael, he sees himself as a victim of a disease, but I cannot allow this mentality to go unchallenged.  I cannot allow this mentality to go unchallenged in my own life either.

If we’re reinforcing messages that only encourage a negative mindset, how on earth can we possibly expect to be successful?  If we go into a job interview thinking we’re going to blow it, do we really think we’re going to present the best version of ourselves?  Our body language, our energy (or lack thereof) will give us away…we will be less than inspiring to our listeners.

If we’re trying out for some part in a performance, and we look at the competition and tell ourselves we have no business even trying out… well, you get my point, right?

MOVING THE CHAINS

As I thought about writing this post earlier today, my thoughts went back 35 years to the mid-80’s.  I had a roommate who was a decent distance runner here in the northern Colorado area.  In fact, if he wasn’t running a race, his Sundays were typically a 20-mile training session.  It’s hard for me to wrap my head around that but running was his passion. 

He had an Achilles Heel though (pardon the pun) and it was painfully predictable.  If he wasn’t up with the leaders in a race at a certain point, he consistently pulled out of races citing foot problems or asthma, or some other ailment. 

I took it upon myself to offer what I thought was great advice.  I told him he needed to focus on running his race and stop being impacted by others around him; to work on simply improving his PR (personal record) times, and if he did this, eventually, he would improve to the point he would find himself out in the leaders’ group consistently.  Sadly, his thinking patterns defeated him way before those other runners even had the opportunity to.

As I think about moving the chains, it’s about being consistent in doing the things that make up good fundamentals.  There are many small steps that may at times appear to be insignificant, but they move us forward toward our goals.  If we need the big scoring play to validate what we are trying to accomplish, then I suspect we will be more likely to quit early, taking ourselves out of the race.

I wish you well in the pursuits within your life.  For those who have chosen to follow my blog, thank you!  It has encouraged me to be more mindful in the discipline of writing.