It’s Never Really About the Muffin

I was talking with a client last week and the topic of “addiction” came up.  It consistently does…  She has a lengthy history within the legal system with heroin being at the center of it. 

As we talked about how she’s doing, she brought up the new felony charges she’s facing from an old crime dating back over 18 months ago, well before her current stint on probation began.  She reflected on the case, and although we won’t talk about the details until her case is resolved in court, she made the comment, “I hate who I was on heroin!”

The good news here is that she’s been clean for some time now, and although the holidays have presented some challenges with the triggers associated with her story, she is navigating the waters successfully to this point.   

The Many Faces of Addiction

Over the years working with people through difficult circumstances, I’ve learned that if we really want to be honest with ourselves, most of us “walk with a limp”.  Life has too many ups and downs, too many unpredictable and uncontrollable circumstances, for us to get through this ride without sustaining some injuries…whether it be family, friends, significant people in positions of authority, or just random encounters with strangers…most of us took a hit somewhere, and many haven’t healed properly, but figured out how to adapt and move forward…with the limp.   

For some, like my client, the hit was significant, and it knocked them into a downward spiral that led to more and more destructive decisions.  For many of us, we’ve learned to conceal the wound through layers and layers, and the symptoms even look positive…on the surface. 

How can the symptoms look positive on the surface? 

• Consider the overachiever in a vocational setting who is driven by a fear of failure…
• Consider the person in incredible physical condition who is hiding an eating disorder…

See what I mean?  On the surface, it looks like that person has it together, and in some ways, we may see character traits we envy.  However, underneath the surface, far below our security clearance allows access, locked away in the darkness is injury that never healed properly.  Does this apply to all of us?  Absolutely not, but I suspect it applies to many of us.

The Muffin…

So, back to the client at the top of this story…

I took a few minutes to share my own personal experiences with “addiction” because over the years, I’ve learned that allowing for transparency in my own life has created an atmosphere of trust and honesty…free from judgment.    It’s empowering to take off the mask and say, “this is who I am…broken in places, just like you.”

As I shared about a tough day earlier in the week that led to my own triggers, I told her that several times I wanted to “self-medicate” by pushing away from my desk and walk across the street to get a coffee.  Nothing wrong with this right?  But the “relapse” takes a step closer to the downward spiral when I see the muffins in the display case.  I then looked at my client, paused, and said, “You know it’s never really about the muffin, right?” 

This statement hit home hard with her because she almost came out of her chair stressing her agreement.  Whatever our “addiction” may be, it’s always about something much deeper.  Our “addiction”, or our “go to behavior” is simply the diversion we’ve learned to turn to because we don’t want to feel what we feel in the moment. 

Facing the Limp

In my journey, I’ve done some significant work over the past year.  Within the last 5 – 6 months I’ve begun meeting with a group of guys who have no positive options other than to examine their limp.  The stakes are way too high to avoid this work.   

As I consider the concept of “change”, I feel an intensity stir within because there really is no room for a passive spirit if we’re going to “win”.  Avoidance, denial, and other distractions only serve to keep us walking through this life out-of-alignment. 

I’ve got so many thoughts going through my head regarding the concept of change…and I hope to corral them and be able to share them in future blog posts.

Until then, take some time to tune out the distractions and begin to examine patterns in your life that you may not like.  Is there a root, or a link connecting them?  If so, it may be time to embrace your limp…or you can go for the muffin and put it off for another day.   

It always seems easier to order the muffin…but somehow, I can’t help but believe we lose a little bit more each time we do.