I want to share some things I’m learning in hopes it’ll both encourage and challenge you to face down those things that come to mind as you read on. It’s about our identity and how strong we really are in Christ right now…not at some future point in time. 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that we now have a Spirit of power, of love, and of self-controlled – right now! Christ himself declares in Luke 4:18 that He came to set the captive free – it is a finished work right now! We are free from the sin-nature that has held us in captivity.
So, I hope you’ll take the 5-6…or 15 minutes to hear me out. The story is about me…but then, it’s not about me at all. It’s really about the power of the Spirit working in me to make some changes and walk out the prison doors. It’s not about simply thinking positively either because that only works until you hit opposition. It’s about recognizing what’s been done for us already, recognizing the facts and not being led astray by emotions, it’s about breaking agreements held with the liar regarding our circumstances…it’s about believing what the Word of God says about who God is, who we are as His followers, and what’s been done for us right now.
So, I hope you’ll stick around and hear what I’ve got to say.
A Conversation with Bill
Last year I got my hands on a book and video teaching from Bill Johnson titled, “The Supernatural Power of a Transformed Mind.” It’s built around the scripture in Romans 12:2 which states “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is…” The teachings from session to session amazed me because the truths had been there all along, but my eyes never saw them. Bill’s material has been something I’ve revisited several times over the year, and looking back, I see the fruit of this word. The fruit became evident in a very significant way.
Victory Where There’d Previously Been Only Defeat
As I drove to Continuum Coffee in the early morning hour on May 8th, 2018, I didn’t realize this would be the day of a significant victory in my life. In fact, as the initial thoughts drifted across my mind west of Greeley, they were met with disgust and self-loathing. I’d quit on myself so many times before, I was now in a place of resignation. I had no fight left in me. But on this day, the battle began as an invitation…the question being, “Hey Gordon, why can’t today be Day One?” Like I said, the initial reaction was disgust. I had no right to such a thought. After all the times I’ve quit on myself, on my wife, on my family, I simply had no right to such a thought…or so I thought. However, by the time I arrived at the coffee shop I’d made the decision: today was Day One.
On this particular day, the invitation was to enter into an agreement to give up putting sugar in my coffee. Now, this may seem like a little deal to most, but those who know me know otherwise. Health problems have manifest in my life and last year I learned I was pre-diabetic. Learning I was pre-diabetic didn’t really do anything to change me because I believe subtly I’ve carried a death wish for some time. I won’t go off on a rabbit trail, but I will emphasize that “death wish” was not a dramatic term…it was a real thing.
As the days turned into weeks and I continued to maintain my conviction not to use sugar in coffee, a measure of self-respect began to emerge. I began to feel a sense of power within that I hadn’t felt in so many years. I saw a strong man inside of me that I had no idea existed.
July
As good as things were surrounding my new-found conviction to cease using sugar, there were so many other issues in my life, and July was both a tough month and a month of turning for Maureen and me. There were some dark days in our home…not toward one another, but depression was taking ground and I believe both Maureen and I were disconnecting.
On a Sunday morning in mid-July, as Maureen and I sat alone in our living room, a heavy weight of darkness upon both of us…an almost desperate decision was made and we both agreed on doing something different. We needed to be in the company of those closest to us, I needed my brothers…guys I’ve learned over the years I can count on…guys I’ve shared the foxhole with for 15 years; Maureen needed friendship and connection with her sisters, the wives of these wonderful brothers of mine.
We limped into a church that three of my brothers attended. I will point out right here that it had nothing to do with a church…Maureen and I were desperate regarding our circumstances, and we needed to be in the company of our family. In fact, it really didn’t matter to me what was going on up front…I had Jim, Brad, and Kevin with me and Maureen had Carol, Peggy and Lisa with her…we were safe with our family.
60-66 Days
During one of the first couple weekends in this new setting, the pastor made a comment that has stuck with me. This statement took place around the time I had picked up a book by a Christian doctor about the wiring of the brain and how destructive and positive thoughts impact the very DNA of our brain chemistry. The statement the pastor made was something like this: “They say that if you do something for 21 days it creates a habit; but if you do something or begin thinking in a certain way for 60-66 days, it begins to rewire your entire brain.” Now, I really don’t care about looking into that statement scientifically, but it spoke so powerfully to me about things which needed to change within myself. There were a lot of lies running around in my head…lies about who I was; lies about my circumstances – and it was time to begin taking these thoughts captive (II Corinthians 10:5).
The “Sugar battle” was testifying to the fact that I began looking at things differently once I committed to stay the course on the decisions I’d made. This decision in May began to show me hope on a larger scale than simply crushing the sugar-craving. I’ll get to all that in a moment…but the result of this smaller step in faith led me to see life could actually turn and take a different direction than what I had resigned myself to. Where hopelessness had taken up residence, HOPE began flooding in to take over. I began taking inventory over previous areas where I had fought only to lose over-and-over. I saw myself becoming a warrior who was now looking for a fight.
Addressing Top Shelf Issues
Sometime around the beginning of August there was another conversation that took place between the Lord and I…or should I say, he did the conversing…I was left with the “Yes or No” response.
The conversation went something like this: “Hey Gordon, have you thought about taking a closer look at the music you’re listening to?” Again…this may not be a deal to many…but over the years, I’ve had a relationship with music. AC/DC and Led Zeppelin are like a drug to me. I can set and watch YouTube videos of Angus playing guitar like I can watch Michael Jordan highlights…hard music was mind-altering to me…it was a drug. And the cool thing is this, the Lord didn’t demand anything from me…He simply asked me if I’d be interested in taking a closer look at it.
Another battle I’d resigned myself to stop fighting because I couldn’t win…and here I am, into late-September 2018 and I’m not interested in convictions weakening…I’m experiencing victory…freedom!
Weight/Food/Idolatry:
This brings me to my most current battle…my weight, and more importantly, my relationship with food. The Lord showed me how he has delivered me from the paw of the bear (sugar) and the paw of the lion (music)…and he will surely deliver me from the hand of this uncircumcised philistine (food/gluttony/idolatry). (A play on I Samuel 17:37).
You don’t get to 340lbs unless you’re an NFL offensive lineman or you’ve made food some kind of coping mechanism in your life…and food had become a drug. Stressed out? Turn to food; Depressed? Turn to food; Discouraged about life? Turn to food. Food had become a form of idolatry in my life. Instead of turning to the Giver of Life, I had learned to turn to a dead idol, an idol that was slowly destroying my body.
I’ll spare the details, other than to say 325lbs was my first hurdle…one that I have not gotten below in over 10 years. Last week, I crushed that barrier (as Fitbit would say). But lest we begin to think this is about losing weight and getting healthy…it’s not at all! It’s about our identity. It’s about freedom from bondage…it’s about being delivered!
No Apologies
I’m not boasting because the fire inside is totally the Spirit of the Living God. I am coming to grips with who I am in the Lord…I am more than a conqueror…and so are you! We are not pathetic little wimpy victims of an oppressive enemy. We are victors! We are free! We are conquerors!
For those of us struggling with an addiction, a bad habit, a sin we haven’t found victory over…we need to disconnect the tapes we’ve played over the years, tapes based on a lying report from our enemy; lies about who we are, lies about being weak! We can open the cell doors to our prisons and walk out…the locks have been broken by the Blood of Jesus!
I love the feeling I now possess. Everyday is an opportunity to gain back surrendered ground…every day is a day to experience the testimonies of faith in my victorious Lord Jesus; every day is a day of reclaiming dignity; Every day is “Game On!”
And in these moments, I want to shout it from the rooftop…we are free! You are free!Thank you Jesus for what you’ve done…we are FREE!
That is the Gospel…that is the good news.