Several years ago, I took a turn down a path that began a process where I started questioning the “truths” of my life. No topic was safe from this examination process… my childhood… truths about the family I grew up in… religious traditions I’d been a part of for several decades… goals I was chasing… and because the process is a part of this blog, I’ll share that the questioning has led to the topic of the mountains I’ve wanted to climb. The last thing I really want to be doing at this stage of my life is expend the time and energy required to climb mountains I never wanted to climb but not learn that tough lesson until I’m at the top of some meaningless summit.
THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I WANT TO LIVE
I’ll admit, I was bored as I scrolled through the Netflix menu looking for anything to grab my interest. I was having little success when I came across a documentary about the Oklahoma City bombing in April 1995. I was in my 30’s back then and remember it all playing out in real time on the TV screen, so because there was a sign of interest, I clicked on that selection.
During the show, there came a point where a survivor was interviewed all these years later. It was a woman who worked in the credit union located in the Alfred B. Murrah Federal Building. She had been buried alive under the rubble for several hours when she was discovered by rescue workers. Even after workers heard her cries and began the work of uncovering her, that task was interrupted by concerns over a second bomb that led to the area being evacuated temporarily. So she waited, and hoped they would remember, that someone would return and continue the work of freeing her.
As she shared the thoughts going through her mind in those hours, something she said caught my attention. She believed she was going to die there, and the realization hit her that the life she had lived up to that point was not the life she wanted for herself. Although she didn’t go into detail about what she wanted, those words were enough to take me off in my own direction.
This morning, I found myself again reflecting on the words she shared. I began to ponder why it takes a tragedy to get our attention, to make us think deeply about the important questions of our life.
WHY DOES IT TAKE A BOMB?
A bomb can be… in this instance a literal bomb, but it can also be more metaphorical right? It was the tragic event surrounding Oklahoma City for this woman, but for another, it may be a heart attack or the diagnosis of cancer, a divorce, the death of a loved one… bottom line, a crisis. But not just any crisis… not an “I burned the turkey and our guests will be here in an hour” crisis… but a life-defining, life altering crisis.
How is it we can get to a place in our lives where we become so numb to the important things we’ve lost track of… the things that deeply matter, that only resurface when the bomb goes off? And I also wonder, how often do these events take place at a time when it’s too late for us to have the opportunity to correct our life course… to do anything productive with what we’ve learned.
For the woman who survived the bombing, it was not too late. She was rescued and she has chosen to live her life differently after the experience she survived. But what about the countless people who don’t come to this realization until they’re on their deathbed, until well after the flame of love has been snuffed out in their marriage, until they’ve retired, compromised their health to the point they now have limitations to consider… on and on I could go with everyday examples that may limit a person to do anything about the fact that they too have come to the place of realizing the life they live is not the life they wanted for themselves.
NO ANSWERS…ONLY QUESTIONS
As a probation officer for many years, I can tell you that some of the more satisfying experiences I had in my office were the times a client would come in and make a point of sharing that a question I posed to them at some previous appointment had been bothering them. My satisfaction has never been in giving someone an answer, because I don’t have their answer… I’m too busy searching for my own. But I do love the conversations that challenge, stir, or perhaps inspire me in the deeper regions of my soul, and that is my point here in this post,
I ask you, the reader, what I ask myself after watching the documentary last night. Are you living the life you always wanted to live, or did you settle for something less? Are you climbing the mountains you wanted to climb, or have you been climbing the mountains you were expected to climb, conditioned to climb, told you should climb?
You can have your quick answer here if you want, but I invite you to turn down the distractions and the noise of this life and perhaps consider things more deeply. Have the expectations of others somehow become your expectations… have the definitions of success of others somehow become your definitions…
This is it. Not much more to the post but a question. I hope when the noise of our life is turned down that it will bother you, cause you to think, perhaps be conflicted… but I also hope you will wrestle through the conflict and arrive at a resolution you can live with…. no, that you are HAPPY to live with.
If this post leads you to think more about the paths you have chosen, drop a comment on here. I’m not fishing for responses, but I am interested in your thoughts. I’m on my own journey and this blog is tied to it. I’m not searching for followers, or some kind of social media relevance, just out here in the wilderness (and it does have its beauty out here), and every once in a while its reassuring to know I’m not the only one out here.
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