Because I’m writing this on New Years Eve, this is going to sound like a post about New Years resolutions, but it could just as easily be appropriate for any Sunday morning… the first day of the week; the first day of the month, or “tomorrow”. Not just New Years Day tomorrow… but any “tomorrow”. It’s not about starting something new, but it’s more about the deeper issues surrounding the concept of “change”.
As a probation officer, oftentimes my daily conversations are seasoned by the topic of change. Whether it be self-destructive thinking patterns, high-risk behavior, or simply going through life with low expectations, in so many of those conversations, I hear a specific word consistently show up… I hear the word “tomorrow”. So often in those low moments of frustration, shame, defeat, a person wants to find a lifeline to grab onto… they want to say something in hopes I will believe them… but I believe more accurately, in hopes that they believe themselves.
- Tomorrow will be my Day One (sobriety)…
- Tomorrow, I’m going to get back into treatment…
- Tomorrow, I’m going to find an A.A. or N.A. group…
- Tomorrow, I’m going to make a commitment to get a sponsor…
But these aren’t just words being exchanged in probation offices across the land, they are words being exchanged in everyday conversations we have with family, friends, and coworkers.
- Tomorrow, I’m getting a membership to the gym…
- Tomorrow, I’m going to toss the remaining holiday cookies and start eating better…
- Tomorrow, I’m going to start some new habits and pursue this or that goal…
FRESH STARTS
We all love the opportunity to start over, to have a fresh start; a do-over after a bad tee-shot, a re-test when we failed the first one. I stand in agreement on this. But this post isn’t about those isolated situations where we had a bad result and want a second chance. This post is about those circumstances in our lives where change is absolutely vital if we want to achieve some goal that has been out of our reach up to now.
There comes a point where honesty has to be front and center in the conversations when we talk about change. For several decades I have battled with the need for change… in several areas. My wife currently has the list and she’s adding to it. But in all seriousness, we must do the hard wrestling with the truth surrounding why he have been unable to change.
- Why do I continue to battle weight issues?
- Why have I not taken the steps to successfully put a book together?
- Why do I continually find myself in unhealthy relationships?
- Why do I have such little energy for the things I say are important to me?
- Why have I not gone back to school to pursue that degree/certification I’ve wanted?
- Why can I not remain clean & sober?
I could spend the remainder of this evening adding to this list… but how about I leave a couple blank spots just for you? Does anything come to mind for you? Think about it before you blow past this…
- …….
- …….
12:01 AM
Let me get to the point of the title of this post. In my work, I try to be a realist when it comes to conversations with my clients. Experiencing results in my work is great, but for so many of my clients, the 2-3 years I sometimes have them is not nearly long enough for them to make the lifelong changes required. My time with them is more of a crossroads. It is my hope that in the brief time I have with them, I can plant the seeds that will bear fruit in their lives long after I’m gone.
So when a client comes into my office and we trudge through the muck of their relapse, or I hear the details about another failure in their lives, we come to that place where “tomorrow” enters the conversation. I’m not interested in pouring water on the little flame they muster in those moments, but I am interested in doing my part to insure they aren’t lying to themselves. In those moments when tomorrow is mentioned, I will ask them:
“What magical thing is going to happen at 12:01am to help you change the results, to break those patterns, to help you follow through on your promises to yourself or others?”
I will follow that up very quickly with this:
“If you don’t want it right now, this moment, this hour; if you’re not willing to walk out of this office and start now, nothing is going to happen at 12:01am to make you want it then.”
The changes you want to make may not be something that requires the kind of intensity I challenge my clients with. You may not be fighting life and death circumstances like an addict who could overdose before I see them again at the next appointment. You may not be fighting the battles that could take your freedom and separate you from your children, your loved one like some of my clients.
Okay… that’s probably true. But let me ask you this:
What if the circumstances you are fighting are health related? What if you’re trying to stop smoking or overcome obesity? Aren’t there enough studies out there showing you could be taking quality years off the backend of your life? So… could we be actually talking about life and death issues here after all?
What if the circumstances you are dealing with have to do with your mindset… how you view yourself… what you come to expect from yourself… what you expect from others who you allow to be a part of your life… Aren’t we talking about issues that bring you to a crossroads with the potential for drastically different outcomes depending on which direction you decide to take right now?
I realize I’m not talking to all of you out there… but I may be talking to one of you. So forgive me if I call you on the “tomorrow” bullshit and challenge you to decide right here and right not, that if you really want something to be different in your lives… it starts now.
Don’t put the action off until tomorrow. Start now.
- Did you use earlier today? Okay… Then start the path of sobriety right now… not tomorrow morning. Flush that crap, empty the remaining bottles… get it out of your house now. So what if you lose money from disposing of that crap… if it’s destroying you, why in the hell do you want to get your money’s worth out of it?
- Did you over eat today… okay, will starting right now, clear out the foods that lead you to relapse. Don’t wait until tomorrow. This is where I tell my wife that if she wants to stash some remaining holiday cookies… she better do it because I’m tossing them. See, she doesn’t have the problem with that kind of stuff like I do.
- Do you have some habit you want to add in the mornings going forward… okay, get prepared for bed, go to bed early and get the rest you need so you can start that habit tomorrow morning.
Find the place where you can start now… even if this is simply preparing a mindset for action. Figure out what you need to do differently this evening so you can look back and see the momentum for tomorrow’s success actually began the night before.
As a teenager, I hated my Dad’s wisdom. In fact, it all sounded so stupid back in those days. After all, I already knew everything. But he used to say something to me that echoes in my mind even now as I start my approach toward the mid-60’s. He used to tell me my morning schedule begins the night before. I know! Dumb isn’t it! But now I look back and I wish he were alive for me to say, Dad, you were so right.
9:49 pm – THE MAGIC MOMENT
As I look down at the time on my computer, it says 9:49pm… New Years Eve. 9:49pm is the magic moment… not 12:01am. 9:49pm is the magic moment because 9:49pm is NOW.
That’s it for this post… time for action.
Happy New Year! May 2024 be an excellent year for you. But please consider this: if there is something important you want in life that requires significant change, don’t wait until tomorrow to start… don’t wait until the first of the week, or the first of the month. Start NOW.
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