TIME FOR A BREAK

Can we talk? 

Can we find a nice rock with a great view; sit down on this trek up the mountainside; rest the legs a bit… and just talk?  Can we be in the moment… enjoy the views from where we are, give ourselves a moment to feel good about our progress upward, and just talk about whatever comes to mind?  I know… this is a blog post, so the conversation is totally one-sided here, but there is a place to comment, you do have the option to participate… I’d welcome your thoughts.

This may be a good time to take a break because, for some reason, I’ve had about 10 new followers on this blog in the past week and I’m not sure why.  I haven’t posted anything in about 3 weeks until earlier today, so not sure what that’s about.  So right now, I’m stopping on this trail to the summit for a break.  Please join me if you want, but if not, I’ll see you at some point as we move upward.

I’ve been doing some thinking the past few days around a blog post “THE MISSING PIECE” (See Link} I just added on my site earlier today.  However, this morning I’m sitting down in my basement thinking about how flat and disconnected I’ve been feeling for some time.  I think it’s closely related to the Missing Piece because I find myself wondering where I fit in… where’s my place.  And this is what leads to this post.

NOTIFICATIONS… TURNED ON

We see what we’re looking for. 

It’s a known fact that a little bundle of nerves sitting in the brainstem known as the Reticular Activating System (RAS) act as a filtering system processing through all the data your senses are exposed to, pulling out only what is useful to you in the moment.  Who defines what is useful?  Well, you do of course.  Your brain is working for you based on how you’ve programmed it. 

If you’re a person who becomes offended easily, you’ll notice things to be offended about; if you’re a happy positive person, your brain will pull that data out and put it in front of you; if you’re a person who is distrustful of people, you’ll notice those circumstances that reinforce this thinking. 

Look at it this way: if you go into settings on your cellphone, you will see a selection called “Notifications”.  By selecting that option, you find yourself in a menu where you can control the notifications your phone sends you from every app on your phone.  If you’re tired of receiving too many social media notifications, you can go into that menu and turn off notifications from any of your social media apps.  This is kind of how it works with our brain.  We go into “settings” in our brain based on our established thinking patterns and program it to notify us of those things we are most interested in seeing. 

TIRED

I say all that because in recent weeks, I’ve been tired.  I come into the office worn out.  I wonder from day-to-day if I have anything in the tank for my clients because so many of them need that person encouraging them to face down and change the destructive patterns of their lives.  And before I go further here, let me say that I too need that person from time-to-time to help me remain encouraged about facing down and changing the destructive thinking patterns in my own life.

This week I saw the tiredness in Angelo.  His probation is under revocation and he’s facing new felony charges.  In many ways, Angelo is a very direct and candid person with me.  He’s never been a guy to tell me what I want to hear, and I really like that about him.  This week he told me he wasn’t sure he had the “care” in him to even try to follow the court orders right now.  I was sad for him; I also didn’t have much to offer him.  Has he always been tired and I’m just seeing it now?  Was I not aware of it before?

I saw the tired in Wes.  Wes is facing 140+ days of jail time that starts in a little over two weeks.  He’s aware his decisions have led to this outcome, but he’s worn down and just wants to be able to move on with his life.  He has some very good goals… he’s a great photographer and wants to pursue this.

I saw it in Kevin.  Kevin served 18 years for a murder when he was a teen.  He’s many years from that person, but he’s still in the system.  He’s tired and wants to make more of his life.  He has some very realistic ideas… but he knows he has a lot of work ahead of him to get out of the system.  He wants to be excited about his future goals, but the day-to-day grind of getting through the problems of his recent past can wear him down.

I’m tired… I see “tired” in others…

NEED TO TAKE A BREAK

So here we are, walking up this “inspiring trail” toward a summit, to that place we believe (or hope) will enrich our lives.  Your mountain may be health related; it may be financial related… it’s your mountain, it’s the summit that is meaningful to you.  I want to get to the summit of my mountain because I want better health… but I’m worn out right now. 

It’s my favorite time of the week, Saturday morning.  I have the entire weekend ahead of me and I’ve not screwed it up with poor choices… yet.  But here I sit, worn out and I need to take a break.  I need to just sit here and rest.  I promise, I have no intentions of turning around… but this journey to the summit is not a day hike, it’s a lifetime journey and I need to set a pace that allows me to finish. 

So here I am, sitting on some uncomfortable rock resting, and yet it feels so good to take the weight off my legs; it feels good to get the weight of the pack off my back.  It’s a cheap energy bar… and yet at this moment, it tastes incredible.

BACK TO THE MISSING PUZZLE PIECE

As I sit on this uncomfortable rock along the trail, the many thoughts that I’ve carried start to come to the surface.  Can I share?

As I’ve been walking along in my silence, I’ve been thinking about that puzzle-piece metaphor (link above) I posted earlier today.  I’ve been wondering where I fit in.  I look at the pictures I could be a part of, and my piece just doesn’t seem to fit into those pictures.  In those group pictures with people who appear to have all their shit together, my puzzle piece just doesn’t fit in.  When I look at the picture of the Church… a place I used to think I belonged, my piece just doesn’t fit in there either.  More and more, as I look at the various “pictures” in my life, the sense becomes stronger that my piece fits in the picture of the broken.  I look around at the broken people and I think to myself… yeah… these are my people.  This is my place. 

Authenticity is a big thing for me.  I’ve got no interest in being superficial with anyone, and that goes for here as well.  I guess if we’re still sitting here along the trail talking, and you haven’t moved on… I just want to make sure you know that I’m on my way to the summit, but who I am is who I am.  I’m a broken person who in no way has this life figured out… I love the Lord and depend so desperately on His grace and mercy and yet I want nothing to do with being in a church setting.  So, if you think I’m going down a religious rabbit trail – relax, I’m not, but His grace and mercy are a significant piece of my journey.

Perhaps I need to share all that here because, like I said at the beginning, for whatever reason, I’ve had about 10 new followers on this blog in the past week, and the last thing I want is riders who don’t want to be on this bus (bus metaphor here).  Consider this your opportunity to get off the bus because we’re approaching a bus stop coming up in the next block.  If you jump off, I wish you well in your journey.

IDENTITY

For those of you who want to stay on for a while longer (wait… are we on the trail or on a bus?  Both. Either.  Whichever image works best for you.), I want you to know I’m battling with some things around my identity. 

I was reading a motivational self-help kind of book recently, and a nagging thought began growing within my mind.  I’ve shared in previous posts that a “summit” (I guess we’re back on the trail again) that I’m pursuing in addition to better health is becoming a writer.  However, as I’ve been reading this book, I’ve become less and less interested in finishing the book.  The author made a couple good points in the early chapters and now, it just seems like the same points are being repackaged and presented repeatedly.  It’s kind of like the meeting that could have been avoided with an email… this is appearing more and more to be a book that could have been a meaningful blog post. 

This has led me to the place where I say this: I don’t want to be a writer… I want to share a meaningful message.  If I can write a book that continually unpacks something meaningful throughout the chapters, then great, that’s what I’m after.  If my motive for writing is simply to make a living, then I’m not interested in that.  I’ve already got a decent job with good benefits. 

So right now, I’m wrestling with whether I want to be a Writer, whether I want to remain a Probation Officer who has a book I want to write, or whether I simply want to remain a Blogger who shares thoughts as they come in this blog format. 

The question is not going to be resolved here, but I needed to take a break… and we’re just talking.  Like I said earlier, I’m a puzzle-piece in search of the picture (or pictures) my piece fits into. 

JOY IN THE JOURNEY

So, for now, I want to learn to enjoy where I am.  I want to program my reticular activating system to notify me of the joys along this journey up the mountain.  One of those things I want to enjoy is this opportunity right here… taking the time to sit down along the trail and connect with the person (or people) who are sharing the trail with me.   

This is who I am; this is where I am… I don’t have it all figured out (and cynical me would say be careful of the person who says they have it all figured out); I’m a broken person who needs to address the brokenness I’ve sustained along the way; I’m a broken person who is going to get to the summit of my mountain; I want to share things that encourage others in their own journey; I want to benefit from the giftings of others to encourage me on my own journey. 

FLASH TO THE BUS STOP SCENE

Okay, we’re here at the bus stop for those who want to get off now.  The doors have just opened.  Thanks for riding along and I wish you well in your journey.  You know where to find me if your interested in the future.