The chili-cheese fries had been on my mind since last night. My sister-in-law went out to dinner on the way to our house and brought leftovers home thinking I would eat them. I won’t get too far into the weeds on the recent battles I’ve had (that story is brewing in my mind as I type this), but I’ve made some progress in losing weight this past week. However, those convictions were now under a full-scale assault. French fries are a kryptonite to me…and then you add chili to the equation and I’m down on one knee trying to recover from the body-blow from temptation.
As I laid in bed this morning thinking about the day ahead of me, I had two thoughts that happened one right after the other: “I want those fries….” and then “I want to hit my weight goal by the end of the weekend.”
My logic-brain kicked in at this point. “Excuse me, how can you want two things that stand opposed to each another? Think this through for a moment, will you?” … my brain asked. So, I did.
I want those fries! But what happens after I have them? I had to be honest in saying that I would soon be angry with myself for eating them; it would be a hurdle to overcome in reaching my desired goal at weigh-in Monday morning; and then there is the domino effect factor to consider…the unknown. What if eating those fries leads to a “screw-it” mentality for the day…what if it leads to more acting out because … “well, I’ve blown this day…I’ll start refocused tomorrow.” Liar!
Okay…so now let’s look at the other “want”.
I want to hit my weight goal on Monday morning. What happens if I accomplish this? I’ll be encouraged; I’ll feel very satisfied at the progress I’m making; my self-respect for the decisions I’m making will continue to grow…etc. etc.
Okay, it’s settled…I know what I really want.
So, I jumped out of bed while my conviction had some muscle to it, walked into the kitchen and grabbed the fries, then headed out to the garage where I dumped them in the trash can. Relief…no more fight to be had…it was settled.
MORALE OF THE STORY
I didn’t really want those fries…I said I did; I felt I did; and I almost gave up my convictions for making positive change in exchange for a momentary pleasure of relapse by eating them. And this is what blows my mind sometimes when it comes it relapse; I didn’t really “want” them. In a sick moment of thinking, my mind craved them, but when I thought things through with the logic-brain, I realized what I really “want”.
Yeah me! It feels good to win, doesn’t it?
If you’ve suffered a loss recently, learn from it and get up! When I have clients dealing with a recent relapse, I’m constantly challenging them to get up quickly. I hate to sound like I’m justifying negative behavior, but the reality is relapse is a part of the recovery process. If a person learns they have the strength in them to get up quickly and get refocused, relapse no longer looks like this dreadful monster that will destroy them… it becomes something that is far-less feared, and much more manageable. A person can begin to see they have it inside to exorcise the demons of addiction and win the battle for sobriety, and sobriety is far more than just drugs and alcohol…it could be sugar-intake, negative thought processes that lead to negative perspectives, etc.
I’ll stop here because I think I’ve made the point. See! This was short. Hope it was worth your time.