As I consider this blog, I have a nagging thought. How do you reach a person that needs to hear a challenging message but also needs to hear a message of hope? I wonder if some of you change agents out there have the same questions.
That is where I’m going today…
THE FIGHT OF A CHANGE AGENT
I’ve found this blog to be a healthy outlet for some of the weighty emotions that come out of doing the work I’m involved in. Being wired for helping others get to a better place in life has its rewards, as I’m sure many of you have experienced in your own lives, but a drawback is that I see a lot of losses along the way, and for those losses, I grieve. Lately, my concerns have centered around a more sinister outcome…that of overdose and death. I’ve had two people overdose in the past month; one a clear suicide attempt while the other is not yet clear. I have three additional people that quickly come to mind when I consider their current circumstances.
Hopelessness is a bitch…
For that reason, I hold tightly to those victories I witness from the sidelines. Every person who finishes their probation successfully and walks out of my office with a positive perspective fills my heart with a very deep and satisfying joy.
My need in this process? I need to hear the testimonies of people who have learned to look at life from a sober perspective, who have experienced the fog lifting in their mind and now operate with a fresh creativity and inspiration; bottom line, I need to know they’re feeling hopeful about their future. I have a handful of people I remain connected with through Facebook that I met through the legal system. I treasure watching them from a distance as they live out a better version of their lives today. I’m sure many of you also find satisfaction as change agents when you see fruit in the efforts you make.
(Taking a brief detour…)
I look at the usernames of so many of you that made a choice to follow this blog; your names are so positive, many incorporating some form of health and fitness (mental, physical, financial, etc.) into your name. I can only assume that you operate as change agents in some capacity whether it be through your work, through a blog, or in some other manner. I applaud your desire to motivate and encourage others, to make an impact upon those whose path crosses with yours; there is such a need for positivity in the days we are in.
That being said…
LOVING THE MARGINALIZED
As I take pause and look out ahead in my own journey, some questions arise that lead to where I wrestle the most. My heart is wired toward the marginalized, to the homeless, the addict, the underemployed…to those whose value can be so easily overlooked. I value those who have chosen to follow this blog; you have provided encouragement for me to continue putting my thoughts out there. However, I can’t tell you how excited I would be to have someone follow my blog whose username was prisonerofheroin123, stuckinhomelessness456, or paroledandnotsurewheretobegin789.
It may appear I’m having a moment of dark humor with those made-up usernames, but the point is that I find tremendous energy in the trenches with people. I wonder if some of you can relate to this. There’s an old saying, “preaching to the choir“. As much as I appreciate the encouragement you provide by following this blog, I’m not energized by preaching to the choir. My passion is seeing the addict become free from a nasty addiction; to see the person who’s walked with a limp through this life finally admit there’s a wound and face it head on. I want to be in pursuit of the best version of my life, and I want to encourage others along the way who have settled for less. I’m completely energized by situations like when someone walks into my office beaten down by the shame of their poor choices and resulting circumstances, then walk out with a sense of hope along with a game plan for the next steps…it fills me with both passion and purpose. Can you relate to that?
Some of you have usernames that incorporate some form of weight loss into the name. Are you not energized by the testimonies of someone who previously battled with an eating disorder or obesity, and is now on the road to victory in these areas? Do you really find passion in your message being heard only by the physically fit? I won’t pretend to know for certain, but I suspect most of you do what you do because you want to see people find victory in their lives.
So here is my dilemma: When I’m personally struggling, I’m less inclined to get online and search for something that challenges or motivates me. In those moments, I’m stuck and most decisions I make are more likely to perpetuate the problems. As I picture many of my clients struggling with addiction, poverty, underemployment, depression, etc., it’s not likely that many are getting online to read inspirational blogs, listen to motivational podcasts, or read self-help books. It’s not likely that they have surrounded themselves with people who are into those activities either. As the saying goes, “misery loves company” and many of my clients surround themselves with other people who are shoulder-deep in their own issues. They’re stuck, and in many cases, their hourly and daily mindsets have become their biggest barrier to any sort of breakthrough.
When I get online and begin to allow a message to flow out of my heart and through my fingertips, it is that exact person struggling to find even the smallest victory in the course of their day that I desire to reach. It is within these trenches that I find myself most at home.
SOME OF YOU FEEL MY PAIN
I sense you could possibly share my same dilemma. You have a passion for helping people develop a sustainable healthy lifestyle. So how do you reach the person struggling to find motivation for eating better; for taking those first steps to become more active?
Some of you have usernames that imply your passion is developing a solid financial gameplan. How do you reach that population who is stuck in a mindset of living from paycheck to paycheck without paying themselves… i.e., having something left at the end of each paycheck for investing in their future?
Ultimately, how do we (you and me) reach an incredibly large population of struggling people with our unique message of hope?
LOVE/HATE THING
I’m sure I’ve expressed this in previous posts, but I have a love/hate relationship with my job at Probation. I hate being a part of the legal system, but I love the honor and privilege I’ve been given at being a person in a strategic position in my clients’ lives. As much as I would love to walk away from this job, I sense that to do so would be to climb out of the trenches…and this is something I am certain I would regret.
This job allows me the opportunity to have very candid conversations with people that I would not be able to have normally. It allows me to confront, to challenge, to encourage; it allows me the opportunity to catch glimpses of people’s lives in their more vulnerable times…it allows me to see their brokenness.
And speaking of brokenness…
KINTSUGI
I wonder how many of you have ever heard of the Japanese form of art called “Kintsugi”? It’s a form of art where the artist puts broken pieces of pottery back together with a lacquer mixed with a powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The finished product has its own uniqueness because no two pieces ever break exactly alike. I’m sure you can see the metaphor building here… but the brokenness becomes the focus of the beauty. We’re not drawn to the pottery, our attention is drawn to the beauty of the cracks…the brokenness.
I was reminded of the art of Kintsugi on Friday as I sat on a Livingroom couch with Eric in a drug & alcohol treatment facility. Hearing more detail about his methamphetamine and now fentanyl addiction, his past life in prison and in gangs…I saw the brokenness. It could be so easy to throw away the broken pottery at this point.
However…observing him two weeks sober, clear eyed, with hope in his voice…I see the gold…I’m beginning to see the unique beauty in this piece of pottery. The brokenness actually enhances the value! Consider that for a moment…
Our brokenness enhances our value…the brokenness we can work so hard to conceal from others is what brings out our unique value! I am so fortunate to be in a situation where I get to help people discover the gold, the beauty, the value. This is a message I desire to deliver…and for now, I know no other way to do this but to write…and to show up tomorrow morning at the office.
HMMM… I HAD THE SOLUTION ALL ALONG (although I don’t want to hear it…)
I guess I’ve talked myself into staying the course. I’ll keep posting on this blog when I’m fortunate to experience an inspiring moment with my clients and I’ll continue to hope for that opportunity to somehow reach “paroledandnotsurewheretobegin789”. In the trenches is where battles are won and lost, and I can think of no where else I’d rather be.
For those Change Agents out there, I applaud your commitment to the fight. I applaud your commitment to embrace positivity and challenge others to step forward and live a better version of their lives. Keep pressing on…what we do matters to someone.
As always, I appreciate you taking your valuable time to hear my thoughts. Your support and encouragement simply through the act of liking my posts has been a powerful encouragement for me to keep moving forward and see where this all leads.