This is a quick follow-up to my previous post Hopeless Has To Start Somewhere.
I woke up this morning at a fork in the road: 1) delete the previous post (due to those skeletons in my closet), or 2) begin the process of developing what James Clear refers to in his book “Atomic Habits” as identity-based habits, or in my case, goals. I chose option #2.
Clear says that identity-based habits are more sustainable because they focus on who we want to become… they’re about lifestyle changes whereas outcome-based habits are about reaching a specific destination.
I’ll give a personal example to make the point a bit clearer:
- I want to develop an active and healthy lifestyle…
- I want to lose 50lbs…
Both goals sound great, but one is a lifestyle, while the other is a destination point. Clear says that identity-based habits are more sustainable as they agree with who we want to be. If I can summarize here, Clear makes the point that we begin to make our decisions based on who we are as opposed to what goal we want to achieve.
So, when I walk into the office some day and see a box of donuts or bagels, I can white-knuckle it because I want to lose 50lbs, or I can say “No thanks” because I have a desire for so much more than simply losing weight… I want to hike mountain trails, shop for clothes in places regular people shop instead of going to the Big & Fat store, and I desire to see healthy numbers in lab results at future doctor’s appointments.
BECOME MINDFUL
As I shared my new-found motivation with my wife, I told her I’m resisting grandiose plans at this moment…I’m focusing on what I want my identity to be. I wrestle with being a probation officer because I have a lot of baggage around my time working in the legal system…but I can say with tremendous passion and purpose, “I am a Change-Agent!” … “I am a coach!”
On the flipside, we absolutely must be mindful of those thinking patterns that reinforce who we do not want to be. I suspect that our words are directly connected to corresponding emotions that can either fill us with creativity and energy or suck us dry of the much-needed motivation to take next steps.
It doesn’t really take a whole lot of energy to simply pay attention to our thinking patterns…to identify those reoccurring thoughts that reinforce the very person we desire to change.
If you read “Hopeless…” you’ll remember I said that when we say we’re “hopeless”, we are agreeing with a lie because the word hopeless literally means “to be without hope”. When we become mindful of the words we use, we can start eliminating those unhealthy agreements while still conveying a sense of where we are in the moment.
THINGS I LEARNED ON MY MOTORCYCLE
Years ago, I learned a very important metaphor while going through a class to get my motorcycle license. The instructor talked with us about what to do as we approach a curve, or an intersection where we must turn. The instructor said to “turn your head in the direction you want to go, and your body and the bike will naturally follow.”
How fitting for this topic today…turn and look where you want to go, and the body will follow.
CLOSING
This is an extension of what I said in the previous post about controlling the narrative. We need to filter out those destructive narratives that steal our energy and replace them with the narrative we desire for our best life.
There are obvious steps that must be taken at some point…steps that will reinforce our identity (good, bad, or ugly), but for now, I’m keeping it simple…I’m beginning with the small step of paying attention to the tapes playing in my head, the secret conversations that happen with myself when no one is around.
I write this in hopes it helps jar some fundamental truths for others out there who have lived below what they desire for themselves…whether it’s health-related, career-oriented, or creativity-based desires you’ve wrestled with…I hope you find something in here that is useful in your own journey.