JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE OFFICE (Sometime 5-6 years ago)
Hank sat quietly, tears in his eyes, as he talked about his latest relapse on methamphetamine. Over the time of working with him, I’d grown accustomed to Hank being quick to give both excuses and false promises of future success. I knew there was an element of control he attempted to maintain over this particular conversation because he had a legitimate fear of a probation revocation and a potential prison sentence hanging over him. His bull-shit meter was running hot, he was in survival-mode.
After asking Hank to stop talking, we sat there in silence for what seemed like a few minutes. I simply needed him to stop talking and begin listening…not necessarily to me, but perhaps to his heart…or perhaps, to another presence that I prayed was in the room with me. There were many times over the years of working as a probation officer that I would utter under my breath, “Lord, if you don’t show up, this person is toast…”, and today’s appointment was certainly one of those times.
Although I truly believe Hank’s pain was sincere, I also believed he was a man who had come to accept he was going to lose more than win in this life. He’d previously had a family; a marriage with two young sons, a good job in construction; but the wife got tired of the drug use and divorced him, and now he couldn’t hold down any job. Over the past few years, he lived in his mom’s garage, and had not seen his boys in over a year.
As we sat there in silence, Hank finally spoke, and the words he chose to use were words I’d heard too many times before from him, “I’ve blown today…but I’ll start again tomorrow.”
WHERE YOU END TODAY…
Thank goodness I didn’t react like I wanted to because as I also sat in silence, an image came across my mind. I grabbed paper and pen and began drawing a crude sketch of a two-dimensional graph. (Example below)
The point of the illustration was this:
- If Hank was truly serious about sobriety, he wouldn’t wait until tomorrow to start; he would walk out of my office today with a mindset focused on a sober lifestyle. (To be totally honest here, I was also concerned that in his current state, he would leave my office and use meth again to take away the pain.)
- I challenged Hank to realize nothing magical happens at 12:01am tomorrow morning to give him a stronger motivation. I pointed out that he will begin tomorrow right where he ends his day today.
- Ultimately, it was my hope that Hank would find some small victories in decisions he made the remainder of the day to give him some measure of momentum going into tomorrow.
REMEMBERING HANK’S STORY
Earlier this week I sat with a friend in a local coffee shop. We talked about a book he recommended to me a week earlier titled, “Atomic Habits”, and my friend described how the hours after 6:00pm bring certain challenges to lifestyle changes he is attempting to make. I’m not sure if my friend said the words, “I’ll start tomorrow”, or not, but my memory was triggered and that conversation with Hank was back in my mind once again.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
Today, we are on the front half of the holiday season of 2021, and I find myself wrestling with some health-related issues. It could be so easy, like Hank, to say “I’ll start tomorrow”, or in my case, “I’ll start after the New Year…” Afterall, my wife makes some fantastic cookies and if I don’t change my mindset now, I’ll have no choice (hear the victim-talk?) but to overeat through the holidays.
If I’m going to be honest with myself, which I believe is essential to truly make change in our lives, nothing magical is going to take place at 12:01am on New Years morning that presses a turbo button in my motivation level. I can put a positive spin on all the poor choices to be made over the next 2+ weeks by saying “I’ll start after New Years…“, but I believe complete honesty is imperative to successful changes being made in our lives.
Bottom line…if I want those changes, I want them now. If I don’t, then I need to simply be honest with myself…and enjoy ALL the cookies I want…and in a play on the words I spoke to Hank all those years ago:
I’ll begin next year where I end this year.
WANT THE OUTCOME; DON’T WANT THE PROCESS
My daughter is a personal trainer and talked this morning of how the training department at her local gym is ramping up for the increase in new memberships and all the fresh enthusiasm that comes with the ritual of New Year resolutions. In so many cases, those resolutions don’t become permanent lifestyle changes because we’re not committed to the process. Oh, we want the outcome for sure, but when the rubber meets the road and it’s time to put in the effort…we fizzle out. The best of us make it through to success, some last longer than others, but ultimately, that resolution begins to lack the “resolute” by February or March.
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
The year 2021 was a slow slide back into mediocrity for me, but I’ve determined that I’m ending December and the year 2021 in a positive trend…the graph on my Fitbit doesn’t lie, if I’m committed to the process, the lines will trend in a positive direction.
I’ve won in my effort to establish some positive patterns over the past 8 days, and I am determined to prove to myself that a person can enjoy scotchies over the holiday season (in moderation) AND begin the process of getting into better physical condition.
I’ve established a routine and am determined to follow it because the outcomes out ahead are priceless to me.
Even as recent as two weeks ago, I began to have fears that hiking up in those Rocky Mountains with my wife and daughter were not going to happen anymore. I’d stopped looking at some hiking equipment I was planning to purchase and secretly began holding beliefs that my knees and hips would no longer allow me to do these activities.
After 8 successful days and a couple sessions with my new best friend (the neuromuscular massage therapist), the pain is still there, and the mental fight can appear unwinnable every morning, but I lay down at night feeling so very satisfied and thankful to the Lord for the strength to “win the day”.
FOREVER A COACH
So, because I don’t post these blogs to convince people of how great my life is (a bit of sarcasm here), it is my desire to challenge those who will respond positively to this message. I want to ask you some questions:
- Why wait until tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year to begin the process of making those changes you have desired in your life? Start now…make a plan that has small winnable steps right now; feel good, gain some confidence, and begin to establish some measure of momentum now.
- Why waste another hour…another day…another week…another month? You may have blown this day like Hank did, or blown this year like I did…but you don’t have to finish it where you are…you don’t have to wait until it’s over before you start to make the changes you have longed for?
GET HELP WHERE YOU NEED IT
All kidding aside, I needed the help of the neuromuscular massage therapist just to walk normally again; stairs were (and continue to be) a challenge, as is getting up out of a chair. My physical body was (and still is) feeling fragile, and I have a long way to go. Injuries can be a major setback to the kind of positive change I am pursuing, so I needed that help…and will continue to have him on my team as I move forward. However, even as I struggle through the early stages of this process, I see the small victories happening.
Identify those who you need to lean on as you make the changes you desire…you may find you inspire those you allow to be a part of your success.
WHAT CAN YOU DO RIGHT NOW?
I’d love to hear of your successes and your challenges here. “Like” my blog, “Follow” my blog; contribute your comments…there are so many of us out there who want to find victory where we had previously been discouraged by defeat.
Lets start now…