Several weeks ago I had a young man approach me in basketball practice a bit frustrated and he said, “Coach, am I taking bad shots?” I noted this young man has shown himself to have some excellent character in the small snapshot I’ve seen which is less than two months of practice. I asked him for a bit of time to watch carefully and consider my response, as I wanted it to be meaningful, constructive, and challenging to him.
A few nights ago a coaching decision was made which I wholeheartedly supported, but I also understood it hurt this young man’s heart. I approached him during our evening of multiple games and told him I had more to offer if and when he was ready to hear it. That evening, after the games ended and we were waiting for the boys and the other team to dress and go home, the young man approached me out on the court.
A POWERFUL RESPONSIBILITY COMES WITH LEADERSHIP
As the young man approached me, I walked away from other players and coaches so we could talk. I asked the young man to tell me what he felt his strengths were. I’m sure he knew of some, but in that moment, he was drawing a blank. I was pressing him for bigger-picture thinking. This conversation was about more than jump shots, because teaching the game of basketball or any sport is really about so much more than just a game. I pointed out to him that he is quick, athletic, tenacious. I asked him if he knew what tenacious meant and he looked at me like I was calling him names so I described what I meant: determined, unrelenting, unwilling to back down…in a way, his decision to ask me for feedback on his game during that practice several days earlier is an example of this because he’s unwilling to settle for where he is at on the team.
As a parent, a coach, a teacher, a probation officer, a supervisor, a leader of any kind…it’s easy to point out where people come up short; anyone can fill that position. The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon (loosely fitting here) basically describes how we find what we’re looking for. If we want to find all that’s being done wrong, we’ll see plenty of it, but if we want to see what is being done right and build on that foundation, it requires effort but we’ll find that too!
WE HAVE VALUE…BUT WE MUST EMBRACE OUR UNIQUE GIFTS
As a first year coach at this school, I’ve come to see a need for rewiring the way guys think. So many times we see the players standing outside the 3-point line chucking up shots before practice and during breaks. I suspect this is not just an issue at our school because SportsCenter shows long shots, trick passes, and dunks for their highlights and this sends a terrible message to a young player just learning the game. The young man I am speaking of does not have good range on his jump shot…not yet at least, and I do believe that if he sets his mind to it, he will develop that shot by next season. But I wanted him to understand a larger lesson here: when we make the mistake of comparing our “game” to that of others, we lose sight of what our strengths are and we begin going down that destructive path of comparing ourselves to others…I suspect many of us are guilty of this is some way. His game was about running the offense, lock-down defense, and using his speed in the open court.
In a game recently, he had the ball and raced down the court for a layup before the clock hit 0:00 in the half…THERE! Did you see it? There is your strength…your speed, your ball–handling, and your defense in the seconds before getting that ball in the open court for a fast-break layup.
BASKETBALL IS LIFE; LIFE IS BASKETBALL
My love for coaching this game is about so much more than the game…it’s about teaching a young man to take a chance and see how good he can become…it’s about taking those lessons to the classroom and taking a chance to see how smart you really are…it’s about overcoming barriers and climbing mountains and then learning from those experiences to challenge yourself against larger barriers and higher mountains.
Here’s another joy in coaching…and it was a joy in my time as a probation officer as well. Relationships are always two-way. So many conversations with players and guys I supervised on probation challenged me in places within my own life. Was I facing time in prison? No. Did I have addiction issues involving a pipe or a needle? No. Was I in some ways in bondage to thinking patterns and behaviors that felt like bars surrounded me? Yes. Have I struggled like this young man with comparing myself to others and feeling like I fall short? Yes. Did I try to compare myself to their strengths and lose sight of what my strengths are? Yes.
FIND YOUR VALUE; FIND YOUR GIFT
Was it a coincidence that I just let out a big sigh after typing this subtitle? I’m challenged right now because I am struggling a lot. Is it COVID?; is it the political upheaval and all the division going on in our country?; or is it that I’m trying to be something that doesn’t line up with my gifts? Something I do know about me is this: getting back involved with people has lit a fire under me that I haven’t felt for about a year. My wife sees it, I feel it…it’s passion and purpose. It’s not about basketball…basketball is just the venue. It’s about challenging people to dream, to find a vision for something bigger than themselves, and then having the courage to go after it.
To the young man that caused this post to occur…you have incredible value to this team, to your school, to your family, to your community. You have amazing character, you have the wiring within you to be great at whatever it is you decide to do with your life. But you must not try to be who you are not. You must be excellent at being who you are. We play to our strength while addressing our weaknesses…but we must always play to our strength.
AHHH….
Now that felt good. I haven’t been in relationship with people for a long time. I began social-distancing before social-distancing was even a thing. I know telling stories with larger meanings has been one of my strengths. My stories have always been fueled by everyday encounters with people where they have taught me something. I haven’t done well at playing to my strengths, but this coaching-gig has stirred things up a bit.
Thank you to the young man who asked me if he was taking bad shots. And to answer your question directly….Yes! You were taking bad shots…but the answer to your question was really so much more complex than a simple Yes/No response.