Mike came into the office yesterday for an appointment. He looked cold and worn out as he took off his large backpack and coat in my office. Mike had taken a bus to my office from meeting with his pre-trial caseworker. He’d spent several hours outside at the transit center before his bus came because he had nowhere else to go. After this, he had additional appointments, so he’d be out in the cold several more hours before his day would end.
The last few months have not been easy for Mike…but if the truth be told, I saw the fall coming several months before the events on that late November evening that led to his arrest. Mike is running from a lot of demons, with “shame” and “worthlessness” weighing heavily upon him. He cried as he talked of how this latest run-in with police has severed communication with his ex-wife and young daughter.
The hope meter’s been hovering near “E” for some time and I am very mindful of the events leading up to his arrest. Mike learned of a close friend and childhood buddy committing suicide only weeks before the arrest and I believe this was the proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back” in the slide that had been gradually taking place since August.
As I listened to him talk, there was a distant stare in his eyes as he looked down at the floor. This man needed a conversation that connected with his heart. It’s so easy to speak logic to the head…and yet so empty in times like this. As I sat this morning writing about my encounter with Mike, I thought about the “Soldier Inside the Drunk”. (Check out the link to read about the “Soldier”…) I think it’s time to reconnect with the “Soldier” here because he has a story Mike needs to hear.
There is so much more going on in Mike’s story…and I may write more in the future. For now, he’s at a crossroads and must make some choices about what he will believe about who he is as a man. He’s either a good man who will reach down and hold onto these facts as he attempts to right the wrongs he’s committed, or he will allow the shame and worthlessness to overcome and lead to throwing in the towel. I hope I have a great story to share at some point…but although we can walk with people through difficult times, we cannot make the choices for them. That said, we must always remember there’s so much more to a story than what we know.
Everyone Has a Story
Mike’s story is his, but we all have one. How easy it would be to dismiss Mike as an offender who simply made bad choices and now must deal with his consequences. His story…and his choices, have been made with a lot of brokenness involved. He’s limping through this life with no desire to be the shell of a person that he is
It’s so easy to dismiss or marginalize people even though we’ve all probably used the quote “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” at some point. I see the damage of profiling people without getting to know their stories in my work. We see it through the labels we place on people…”Democrat; Republican; Pro-Life; Pro-Choice; Right-Wing; Left-Wing;” on and on the profiling goes. As long as we can quickly and conveniently place people within a small box, we can move on without ever really knowing the rest of the story. To know their story would take effort…energy…time…intentionality, and we must be honest with ourselves in saying that sometimes it’s simply easier to place people in a box and move on.
Hmmm…maybe Paul Harvey was on to something years ago with his “Now you know the rest of the story” program.
Well ”Soldier”, expect a call from me here soon. I have someone who desperately needs to hear your story.