I knew a conversation was going to take place with my friend and close brother, and I knew I had things troubling me…but I honestly wasn’t sure where things were going to go. I drove along the county road toward home but knew I needed to park and walk for a while. Something was troubling me, I just wasn’t sure how to formulate my thoughts to pinpoint what it was. Then the question came to me…
Friend or Teammate?
What’s the difference between a “friend” and a “teammate”? I walked along, unpacking my memories as both a player and a coach. As I considered it, one word continued to surface consistently: “ACCOUNTABILITY“. I continued to weigh that word “accountability” as the thoughts bounced around in my mind, attempting to pinpoint what had been weighing so heavily on my heart for some time.
Here’s the conclusion I came to:
A “Friend” is like someone I meet up with for coffee once in a while to catch up. “How’s the family? How’s work? What’s new? Hey, great seeing you! We need to do this more often. For sure! Talk soon!“
There’s nothing at all wrong with friendships…they’re just not the ones you count on when you go into battle. They’re the ones you tell the stories to when you’re catching up over coffee from time-to-time.
A “Teammate“? That person’s someone you entrust with your dreams. They’re one you count on when you’re in the midst of the battles. You share a common goal, a single-minded focus on an outcome; you’re pulling the same direction and have a vested interest in the success of each other. To say they’re like a soldier would be unfair because no one’s putting their life on the line…but your dreams, your sweat, your aspirations for the goals at the beginning of the season…well, you’re entrusting those dreams to your teammate, not your friend.
There’s an accountability that comes with the honor and privilege of being a teammate. I am going to give my all to improve and become the best I can be; you’re going to give your all as well. I will show up for practice every morning, good or bad attitude; I will work hard on the fundamentals and not go through the motion; I will prepare both mentally and physically…and when we are tried by the fires of Game Day, I will be ready…and I will do my job…you can count on me…and I can count on you.
Teammates share a locker room, they show up for the early morning and the late night workouts after school when the stands are empty and no one’s cheering them on, they get out of bed Saturday mornings when friends are sleeping in, they get testy with one another during the grind of the season or during an intense practice…but they’ve got each other’s backs when challenged; they share the long bus rides to away games and the camaraderie that friends may not quite understand…and, best of all, they share the experience of the trials by fire on Game Night.
Accountability Is Tough
Accountability can have a negative flavor to it…to answer to someone for your actions, for your results…it can feel unpleasant…to the unaccountable. We can become indignant at the thought we must give an account for our decisions; for our actions. “Who are you to judge me?”
To those who stand accountable, we know the bonds that are forged through the trials by fire. We can tell our friends about it…but unless they’ve tasted the intimacy that comes through all those experiences I mentioned above…the early morning workouts, the late night bus rides, the locker room after a heart-breaking defeat and the elation of victory after putting it all on the line, the tension of being in each other’s face during an intense practice and the fist-bump or the smack on the ass that takes place 5 minutes later…they just can’t get how sweet “accountability” truly is.
But This Post Isn’t About Sports
This is about relationships…and sports simply taught us how to be there for one another and have each other’s back. You know who your “friends” are…and I suspect, you probably know who your “teammates” are.
But this post is not simply to point out the obvious about who we know we can count on in the heat of the moment in our lives…it’s about challenging you (and I) to be that teammate in the lives of others that we hope for in our own lives; to be the husband or the wife our spouse needs us to be; to be the father or mother our children need us to be (even when they’re all grown up!).
I’ve sensed there is an increasing self-centeredness growing in our culture. We’re all about our selves, about our needs, about promoting our “brand”; we’re preoccupied with our issues and oblivious to what’s going on in front of us…or perhaps we see it but don’t want to get involved. It’s a darker side of human nature…it’s something to be resisted, to fight against at all cost.
I simply want to share my heart about this thing called “accountability”. If we will press through the unpleasantness of having to answer to one another, of having to give an account for our decisions and how those decisions impact others around us, we will come to a place where incredible qualities rise up out of the fire of testing…trust, camaraderie and intimacy, perseverance, endurance, commitment…and this can lead to great satisfaction in relationships that know a depth we would not otherwise experience.
When the trials of life come at us hard and fast, and they most certainly will at some point…we will not be alone…we will have our teammates.
Oh…and that friend I mentioned at the beginning of this post…he’s actually a teammate. We fist-bumped after we cleared the air…