This past Friday morning I had the opportunity to attend a graduation ceremony. It’s June, and although graduations are common this time of year, the graduation I attended was a bit unique. This group of characters…and I do mean characters, formed a unique community of people pulling in a very specific direction…sobriety.
The group of graduates came from various places, and either by Court order, or by referral through Department of Corrections, Community Corrections, Parole, or Probation, they made up a percentage of the residents from the Peer One (Male) and The Haven (Female) residential treatment program located in SW Denver.
One by one, each graduate came to the podium and shared a portion of their story. There were common threads within each story, dysfunctional relationships, legal problems, disrupted families, personal brokenness, shame, addiction. There were tears shed as graduates spoke with hope about their futures, shared their pride at personal accomplishments, apologized to loved ones in attendance for the past damage done, and expressed appreciation for those who chose to stick with them through many dark years in their lives.
As the graduates continued coming forward and hour one turned into hour two, I found myself amazed at the level of support each found within the “family” they had found here at the therapeutic community they participated in.
With each name announced, graduates came forward to shouts from the audience, some were friends and biological family, but most of the noise came from the family forged by fire. Many of those residents from the program who were still plowing through their own muck, had the privilege of cheering for those ahead of them on the journey toward sobriety, but also to taste what was out ahead of them if they continue to persevere in their own journey.
Therapeutic Community
For those who know nothing of the term Therapeutic Community (TC), it is basically the culture or the atmosphere within a treatment program. Those seasoned residents out ahead in their journey basically establish the atmosphere of accountability, authenticity, honesty and support needed within the environment that will enable a new person to be successful… to be free from addiction.
New people coming in are filled with thinking errors about themselves and about how the world around them works. Those experienced in the program have “been there and done that” and know what bullshit looks like when they see it. Oftentimes people entering the program blame others, minimize their addiction, minimize the damage they have caused around them, etc. etc. A healthy TC is driven by the residents calling each other out on thinking errors such as these. It’s so much more effective when a peer is calling the person out verses a therapist or someone else in a perceived position of authority. The thing about this type of therapy is it is happening from the moment a resident wakes up until they settle down for the night. It’s relentless because everything is being watched. How you respond to rules, how you respond to correction, the opinions you share about your circumstances…it’s all under the microscope of your peers, and a healthy TC will stop in the moment and work through a confrontation that needs to be worked through.
Forged by Fire
I used this term “forged by fire” a few moments ago to describe relationships developed within the TC of both Peer 1 and The Haven. As I listened to the graduates share their stories, most admitted to both peers and staff that they knew they were difficult to deal with…and each one…yes, each one thanked their peers and the staff for hanging in with them and not giving up when things were ugly.
As I sat and listened, I pictured in my mind that for every tear and smile of happiness, there were probably thousands of tears of anger that took place the previous 12-14 months of the process.
One staff person talking with my co-workers and I told us of a group called “Verbal Streetfight”. You get a mental picture of this right? So did I! The staff went on to describe this group as a time for the new people to learn how to fight using words instead of punches…because the culture was intense, and for a TC to truly work, the environment needs to be safe from physical threats and intimidations.
True Community
I can’t help but think about the love that was being experienced as people in the crowd shouted for each graduate. These people who had previously been in each other’s faces at some, if not many times, were so committed to each other’s success. I believe I saw a community “Win” that day. It wasn’t simply the graduates who won, but the junior residents won too, as did the staff who need to see the fruit of their labor in a setting like this. The junior resident’s win was experiencing with their own eyes and with their own senses that there will be a day they each stand at that podium in front of their own families.
Love & War
I can’t help but take this experience and apply it to the Church. What I saw was intense, raw commitment to one another. Yet, all I saw were the victory speeches…I only heard references to the wars that took place behind the scenes. I picture accountability, hard words, confrontation, authenticity, vulnerability, brokenness, raw emotion and yet there appeared to be a foundation of commitment, support, and a spirit of perseverance and endurance. Those delivering the hard words weren’t going anywhere…and the reason the words were being delivered was out of commitment to one another, not simply to break someone down.
As I consider the Church body I think to myself, can we learn something from this? The foundation laid within this TC was a commitment to one another and a commitment to a common goal – sobriety. The Church has the perfect foundation in Jesus, not a counterfeit. Can the Church create a community where accountability and authenticity are demanded; where correction, confrontation, and hard words are not avoided under some “pretend-grace” but initiated upon the foundation of love and trust; where growth can not just be hoped for…but expected within all of our family?
To those who are willing to fight through selfishness and inconvenience, to be committed to relationship even when it gets tough, I believe there are loyal brothers and sisters on the other side of the fire.
Personally, I’ve enjoyed community with a small group of men I’ve walked with for over 15 years now, plus a new member who recently joined the pack…it’s a beautiful thing to experience. However, our group has come to realize over the years that community is not a spot you arrive at and then relax. If we’re not engaged and intentional, we can lose what was built. There is a war taking place to break us down and isolate us from one another and we must always guard what the Lord has given us. If you’ve attained true community, never take it for granted.
I encourage all who read this to be intentional in developing authentic community around you.