I originally wrote this story in July, 2015, after returning from a holiday road-trip. However, over the years, the idea of “change” has become a concept that both inspires and challenges me to reflect on my life in much deeper ways than an occasional glance in the rear-view mirror.
As a probation officer, the concept of “change” was a part of everyday conversations for obvious reasons. Many clients demonstrated long-term patterns of destructive thinking and decision-making that continually led them around the mountain of the legal system, and led to additional problems in relationships and employment.
I’ve become passionate over the years about this concept of “change” because I was willing to admit I had more in common with my probation clients than I didn’t have in common. Sure, their decisions led to legal issues…but my patterns were putting me in a prison of my own making. So perhaps you can understand the disgust I felt when I had to challenge someone to examine their patterns, when I chose to be blind to my own.
The good news is that over the past 12 months, I’ve experienced first-hand how liberating it is to be freed from a prison I thought I was serving a life-sentence in. I have much work ahead of me in this process, but I now believe it can be done, and maybe equally important, I now believe I have the credibility (with myself) to begin to examine other areas where change is so necessary. Change is contagious: “If I can change here….why not there?”
After returning from a national conference earlier this month, I had a renewed energy to embrace even more change because the goals I possess cannot be attained without me continually examining old ways and eliminating habits and thinking patterns that hold me back. This is what led me to revisit this old post from 4+ years ago.
So, if you’ll indulge me for a few moments, I’d like to go back and revisit a lesson my 2+ year old grandson taught me on that July day in 2015. I’ll then bring it to some current thoughts before ending.
Lessons from My grandson – July 2015
If I’m not mistaken, it started as an enthusiastic complaint somewhere between Laramie and Cheyenne on I-80… “I’M STUCK!” I couldn’t blame him; after all, he was only 2 ½ years old and we’d been in the car for over 3 hours without a break. Sleep only gets you so far on road trips of any length.
Initially, my grandson, Henry, could be distracted by horses or cows grazing, or by long trains traveling parallel to the interstate… but he wanted nothing to do with the ABC song, and candy only worked as long as he could hold the chocolate covered cherry. Taking the candy created a short distraction as he hollered and protested the candy being ripped from his hands…but eventually we always came back to that passionate declaration of “I’M STUCK!”
As we hit Cheyenne and turned south heading into Colorado, the protesting increased…as did the intensity. Trains, horses, cows…none of that mattered anymore…he simply did not care. He was stuck in that car seat and the world needed to know.
There came a point where I found myself becoming distressed, but it had nothing to do with the vibration in my eardrums. The screams coming from his mouth were not what rattled me…it was the cry of his heart that began to disturb me. Perhaps there was a place where I could identify with him. Perhaps I was touched by the cry deep in my own heart which wanted to scream in unison with Henry that “I am stuck too grandson!”
Grandma tried to console him by saying, “I’m stuck; Momma’s stuck; Poppy’s stuck…we’re all stuck.” But wait! Was she talking about the seat belts holding us in or was she referring to a greater issue?
Prisoners in a Cell:
After dropping my wife off at the airport the next morning, I began reflecting on Henry’s experience…and a potentially greater message that was speaking to my heart.
The typical prison cell is roughly 6’ X 8’. For those sentenced to prison, their world becomes condensed to a 6’ X 8’ piece of ground which they are assigned to. Their world…their dreams and goals…it all gets scaled back to a 6’ X 8’ space with the new goal being to simply survive.
For many in prison, hopelessness sets in. Life becomes about surviving and finding meaning in a place where dreams go to die.
But this is where I want to ask something. Where have we found ourselves in a prison of our own making? Sure…you’re free…you’re free to close this blog and read something else…you can go here or there, and do a lot of things as you please right now. But does that mean you are walking in freedom?
The Truman Show
Do you remember the gist of the 1998 movie The Truman Show? Remember how he thought everything was real…until it wasn’t? I’m not proposing that we all live in a world created by a corporation with TV cameras allowing millions to watch us in our sleep…that would be weird. But is it possible that we’ve simply responded to life events and choices we find ourselves in, by sort of creating some artificial meaning in our lives that helps us to deal with our circumstances?
TakE control of your mind
Several weeks ago, a guy introduced me to a YouTube video about taking control of your mind. I must admit, I have been completely fascinated by this video because, although the guy comes from a rather new age perspective, what he says about how our thought-life impacts our future hits me as a powerful truth.
Here’s the link:
What he says right here really struck me:
“So now 95% of who we are by the time we’re 35 years old, is a memorized set of behaviors, emotional reactions, unconscious habits, hardwired attitudes, beliefs and perceptions that function like a computer program. “
-Joe Dispenza
……in other words, were STUCK!
Become a change agent
I’ve got the nature of a “coach”. I’m just wired to see people win. I get excited watching young musicians on stage in Nashville chasing dreams. I get excited hearing my daughter share the steps she’s taking to become a personal trainer and bust away from the 8-5 job. I became excited sitting in a room full of entrepreneurs in Nashville, all taking a risk to create a different life.
Change is risky…no guarantees…it’s not predictable like ruts. But somewhere in all that emotional mess, perhaps you’ll find hope that freedom is yours for the taking.
Change is exciting…it’s contagious, people will either be inspired by it or they’ll envy it because they’re too afraid to leave security behind.
Each of us possess a creative spirit. That spirit manifests in so many unique ways. For some it’s obvious. You hear their music, see their art, read their books; for others it manifests through an entrepreneurial spirit, or their art comes in the form of landscaping a yard. When our creative spirit is stifled, our community loses because we all have so much to offer.
Take a chance…begin to rekindle the memories of your dreams. Evaluate what you’re doing with your time. Are you chained to the TV; to Facebook; have you convinced yourself you’re “too tired” to workout after a long day? Do you run to food to cope with your emotions?
Make a list of what you want to achieve/experience/accomplish…identify a first step and commit to persevere. Make your decisions dictate your emotions instead of allowing your emotions to dictate your decisions. Chose to get UNSTUCK!
Thanks Hank!
I want to thank my grandson Henry for reminding me that being “STUCK” is an unacceptable condition to be in. Although I hope that in future road trips he learns to accept a temporary safety strap keeping him buckled in, I hope he will never accept “STUCK” as a condition to be lived with.
…I hope you and I don’t either.